


Just. Do. It.

by wintergreen28



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender, Scooby Doo! and KISS: Rock and Roll Mystery (2015)
Genre: Dead People, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Multi, a character death but he isn't important because he isn't awake, dead dog, he missed kahoot goddamnit, mmmmmm decapitation, read at your own risk bitches, size difference kink, this is an absolute joke I'm sorry, yes we're still waiting on him
Language: 中文-闽南话 臺語
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:28:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28020180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintergreen28/pseuds/wintergreen28
Summary: Shaquille's a pick me choose me girl, and Zuko loves it.
Relationships: Zuko (Avatar)/Reader, Zuko (Avatar)/Shaquille O'Neill
Comments: 7
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an absolute joke I'm so sorry.

"Shaquille, this is wrong." Zuko said, brushing his hair behind his ear, Debby Ryan style. 

"I just need you to pick me." Shaquille said, kneeling before him, but still Zuko's height. "Choose me. Love ME."

"But I'm the Fire Lord, and you're but a simple peasant, but a skyscraper, and also a NBA all-star."

"Status doesn't matter to me, Zuzu. You know this. I would do anything for you. **_Anything_** **."** He says, ~~in Russian cursive.~~

"You really mean.... Anything?" 

"Anything, my short stack of lovey buttercake."

"Kill the Avatar for me. I need to regain my HoNoR." He looks off into the exaggerated horizon, but still somehow a Jim directly looking at the camera point of view. 

"But Zuko, you're already honorable to me. I love you Zuko of Ba Sing Se."

"Shaquille you silly bitch, I'm from the Fire Nation." He chuckled, his laugh going up three octaves. 

Oh look it's Azula! Back from her mystery with the Scooby Doo gang!

"Sup hoes." She said in a strangely British accent. "ha wa ha wa ha wa I couldn't find the Avatar." 

"That's rough buddy." Zuko says, leaning back an invisible wall that definitely wasn't there before hand.

"Shaggy accidentally killed Scooby though. We tried to do CPR, but his version of CPR is giving Scooby a discontinued, supersized meal from McDonald's."

Shaquille stood up, towering over Azula with his bald black head. He picked up Azula _aggressively_ , and threw her off a cliff.

"Back off hoe, that's my boyfriend." He boomed. 

Suddenly, a wild Derrick appears!!

Oh no, Shaquille just violently murdered him, oops. His dismembered head may or may not be thrown off the cliff, with Azula. He is now 5 and a half feet shorter because Shaquille absorbed his height. Shaquille is now 5 and a half feet taller. That makes him 14 and 7 inches tall. Zuko is still 5'10. Shaquille refuses to give Zuko more height. He prefers being dominant to him physically, and intimidating to his future target, Aang the Avatar. 

What a wimp. Aang is a wimp. 'An easy kill he shall be,' thinks Shaquille. Shaquille is always right.

The Avatar does die. He was also suspiciously decapitated, and his height also suspiciously absorbed.

Yet another mystery for the Scooby Doo gang. Rest in peace, Scooby.

Smut ensues. 


	2. Goddamnit Reggie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reggie, yes, Reggie is now involved in this abhorrent mess of a story. We left off when Zuko and Shaq were getting tf down, and oops Reggie walks in.

Reggie strolls into the Toyota dealership, completely unaware of what he was about to walk in on. He had absolutely never seen anything so passionate, and frankly, quite grotesque as Shaq and Zuko’s sex life.   
  


Shaq’s lungs could have been collapsing by how loud he was absolutely screaming bloody murder while Zuko dommed him.   
  


Reggie managed to scream louder as he clapped his hands over his eyes after casually strolling into the dealership.

”I just wanted a 2021 sedan!” He screeched, praying for the ghost of Scooby Doo to give him what he needed— bleach.

”This is worse than the time I had to dispose of Derrick’s dead body!! Worse than me dying by peeta bread.”

Shaq and Zuko are still going at it, completely ignoring the intrusion. The entire dealership is still open and in business while this is going on, mind you. Currently, a five-person family is buying a minivan. 

“When you two are finished uh, doing that, I have a report on Avatar Shaggy!”

All activity in the dealership stops.

Shaq looks up, “Avatar Shaggy?” 

“He’s in Cincinnati, Ohio your Shaqliness.”

”I’m on my way.” Shaq leaves his position pressed up against the car, still completely naked, up and leaves. “To CINCINNATI!”

Zuko is mad. Zuko wasn’t done. “Reggie get your ass over here!”

“Reggie would prefer not to, your majesty.” Reggie backs up, hitting the glass door again, but manages to leave the dealership. Zuko immediately wishes he hadn’t had Scooby killed.

Sad smut ensues.


End file.
